Tongue Tied Tim

I’ve had several job interviews for various creative positions over the last 12 months; none of which have yet to pan out (I have been that guy a lot). These positions have been extremely competitive, with on occasion, a thousand applicants submitting their resumes for the same job. When I get short listed for an interview these days, I think about how a movie star always says, “I’m just happy to be nominated”. This is no different for me when it comes to an interview, I’m always happy to make the first cut (roughly the 90th percentile).

I make it a point to ask how many applicants there are so I know how competitive it’s going to be. It’s always either 1 of 20 or 1 of 5 if I’m really lucky; so close but still no offers. This has forced me to get creative and a little innovative to stand out from my competition.

A cover letter that REALLY stands out
With so many applicants applying, no hiring manager wants to read the same old boring cover letter 1000 times. I’ve come up with a cover letter that is concise and to the point but in a creative way. Most of the interviewers have made a comment about it and it’s part of why I get an interview. (My video interview that I would link to when I submitted my advertising portfolio to an out of state advertising agency also got a lot of attention).

Cover Letter in 140 Characters

twinter
Self-proclaimed Creative Strategist;
an intermingling of left/right brain;
a passion to be innovative
with ROI in mind. Career goal: CD.
Twit about an interview. ; )
20 minutes ago from web

Post Interview Thank You
There are a few things you must do after every interview and how you do it is also very important. The first is to ask what the next step is and you must ask for the next interview. The second thing, the one I like the most  is the thank you.  A hand shake and a thank you used to be all that was required; today that is not enough. Some people send out an email thank you letter; today that’s not enough. Today, to  stand out from your competition, you should at the least send them a hand written thank you letter. I was doing that for awhile but so were a lot of other people – I had to take it one more step.  When I applied to a PR firm I gave them a hand made press release thank you. I cut out  letters form magazines and glued them onto a piece of paper to make a thank you letter that resembled a ransom note. Ransom Thank You Letter

Here is my latest Thank You for a marketing assistant position I recently interviewed for at The Design People. The idea came about when my interviewer explained to me that one of the job responsibilities would include creating their monthly in house awards. Awards? How about a trophy!

But then again, I have not been offered any of these jobs yet, so take my advice for what it’s worth. At least I’m having fun trying.

UPDATE: I got the job and now I’m that guy too.

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Tongue Tied Tim: Is there anything worse than proposing to your gf while she is on the toilet — after you took her to the all you can eat chili bar? or you yourself leaving a floater in the toilet with a ring sticking out of it? — Wait until she comes home — a double surprise — the sports fanatic jumbotron guy ain’t got shit on this other guy.

Plain Jane: gross!

Jenn:  A moment you’d want to NEVER remember. Especially the “you’ve got to dig it out yourself” part.

Brad: Tim… stop making fun of me.

Jenn: Wow Brad….she must really love you.

Brad: Well… she DID. I don’t get it, Tim said it would work like a Charmin.

Tim: Brad, what I told you to do was to place the ring in the bowl — A FISH BOWL with floating candles — not in the toilet bowl on a floating turd — and I said, “that shit would be charming.”

Brad:  Oh. Well, damn. At least the chili bar was good.

Tim: I literally just laughed out loud — I also told you to take her to a “chill” bar — where did you even find a chili bar?

Brad: Compton. Incidentally, they were taping an episode of “Survivor” where we ate.

Tim: ahhh, yes — Survivor Compton. It’s an urban version since they ran out of islands — how that bald white guy has lasted so long, I’ll never know.

Another Tim and Brad funny status update rambling funny facebook updates: coworkers

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I have a friend who is the epitome of a modern-day June Cleaver. She is one of my many stay-at-home-mom friends. June and her husband, “the cop”, have three small children and have been married since we were fresh out of High School. June often invites me over for dinner with her family (and since she is such a great cook, I usually make the 45 minute drive to her house). This summer I went to the Cleavers for a casual dinner party. I thought it was just going to be the Cleavers, myself and another couple, but the cop ended up inviting a few of his buddies from the force too. Turns out June was setting me up with Jimmy, a very young and immature single dad who we later find out dates 18 year old girls, but I had no idea until I realized we were the only singles there. The way I remember this party going was me talking about my political beliefs-as this was just at the climax of the Obama/McCain election-with a crowd that is clearly on the conservative side and then feeling like an asshole for even getting into this losing battle. Oh, and did I mention 2 of the 4 guys there were former military men? Jimmy at one point even said to me, I’m not trying to say anyone here is a liberal, but… this was all in a very derogatory and accusatory tone as if I were a baby killer or something. Needless to say, I didn’t think I made a great impression. But apparently that didn’t matter because later that night Jimmy asked June if I was “crazy” or not because he wanted to get my number. So I guess conflicting views and a personality doesn’t matter in a woman to this guy.

Now fast-forward to September or so when I get a call from June asking me if she can give Jimmy my phone number. Apparently his romance with the 18 year old didn’t work out so well (I can’t imagine why?) and I was some girl placed on the back burner for when he had nothing else to do. I tell June to go ahead and give it to him because I’d really like to go to the cop shooting range and learn how to fire a pistol (and I almost never say no to a free dinner). Jimmy ends up TEXTING me WEEKS later. After a few texts back and forth he writes, well, call me sometime if you want to go out. Umm, no! Really, when did that become OK? It’s not cool to 1. Text messages a girl instead of calling and 2. Tell me to call him if I want to go out. Please buddy, I was just being polite when I agreed to give you my number. A guy needs to pick up the fucking phone with a place, time, and a plan in mind if he wants to take me out. Just for the record, I never called Jimmy for our date.

This brings us up to this week. I guess the other “single” guy at the dinner party (he showed up with a date) has been thinking about me since and wants to take me out too. He went to the cops birthday dinner a few weeks ago and asked June if he could have my number. OK, seriously, what the hell are these guys thinking? Once again I agreed to give him my number- I mean, I never got my chance at the shooting range. So, Leonard, being the older more mature man that he is, called me and asked me to dinner for tonight. My best friend, Rhea (also part of the stay-at-home-moms club), met Leonard at the cops birthday and swears to me this guy is not my type. Based on our phone conversation (one in which I essentially talked to myself for an hour) I think she may be right…and it doesn’t help that I have no recollection of what he looks like-which is never a good sign. I guess we’ll see how things go tonight…

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Plain Jane

First, there are few things you should know- I am not a writer and I am not trying to become one. I am not  hoping some famous author or publishing house reads my work and signs me for some three-book-deal  where I fly all across the country reading excerpts from my incredibly witty and sexy books to perfect strangers  in small coffee houses on my book signing tour. No, that’s not my deal. I am not going to write grammatically  correct sentences (unless you want to edit for me) either. I cannot even guarantee everything will be spelled  correctly. I mean, I will probably make up words on occasion. You should expect to read a lot of dirty  language as I feel I cannot adequately express myself without using the word fuck.  So, with that being said,  I’ll get on with it…


I am nearly 28 years old and living in the dreary Pacific Northwest. Two months ago I moved out of my parents house where I had been cohabitating with them for the last two years. Before living with my folks, I was down in San Diego for a few years. If you’ve ever been to San Diego then you’ll know how much fun and craziness goes on down there. A bad break-up and a serious lack of money drove me back north to my childhood home. Since then I have been single, and as of recently so are a few of my friends (yay for me finally!).  Though, I once read that this city is one of the worst places to be single so I don’t know how great it is to add more girls to my dating pool.


Anyway, so what is this about? What should my readers expect? I don’t really know. Mostly I will write about ridiculous dates I’ve been on (and will be going on), my part-time house-sitting job, stupid people and anything that evokes an emotional response in me really. Whatever I feel like, I guess… but the main thing is that it will be funny (even if it’s just to me).



Editor’s Note: Contrary to her pen name, we want to emphasis that there is nothing plain about Jane; she is a very funny and hilarious girl. We think you will get a good laugh out of her funny and entertaining posts. We offer a money back guarantee, so If you don’t laugh out loud at least once, we will send you your money back.

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Rumors and Gossip: Not Always a Bad Thing

A friend of mine had been dating one of my coworker and he decided to start a rumor about me by telling her and a few other female coworkers of mine that I was very well endowed. He told them a very believable story that  he once saw me and it in the showers after gym class . I don’t know what was more funny, the fact that they believed a skinny little white guy like me could be packing a porn star in my pants, or  how they went about trying to find out if the rumor was true (1).

While drinking at the bars one night, one of them came up to me and asked me if indeed I had what they were looking for. I guess they all thought I was being modest with my answer because later on one of them convinced me to go back to her place (2). But not until she bought us a few rounds of shots (3).

I was under the impression that this girl thought I was this really funny drunk guy that she must have liked — so we went back to her place (4). We made out a little bit and had a another drink or two. By that time we were both pretty drunk which meant frequent bathroom breaks. I went in to use the bathroom and when I came out, she had already passed out on the couch — ahhh shit that’s not funny; I wasn’t going to get laid that night.

The next day she probably told her girl friends that nothing had happened and that would have been true. The only problem with that was, none of them believed her because she was easy;  easy girls always deny putting out — My rumor lived for another day — and a new one  had been born — which was that me and her hooked up and the rumor about me was in fact true (5).

The whole thing got kind of weird and eventually we all just moved on. The girl I supposedly hooked up with turned lesbian and swore off guys entirely (6). Others moved away and the last one got fired. The rumor died down but was never disproved — so it lived on. I like to think it still haunts the halls to this day and gives a few of those girls the occasional nightmare — or at least, if they were ever to think about me, they think of me as the funny drunk guy with the big package.

1. During this whole ordeal I had no idea that this funny rumor was going around — so I thought maybe these girls actually liked me. Little did I know they were all a bunch of easy girls that wanted to get with a guy that could be in porn — and not in that silly amateur stuff. I’m talking about the pros.
2. Later I found out they flipped a coin for me.
3. I don’t know what’s with the girls who want to hook up with me and how they think they need to get me drunk before I’ll
   put out? To be fair — when I’m sober I have been known to be rather shy and awkward around girls, so I guess they knew
   what they were doing — What can I say, I was easy prey for these aggressive girl.
4. I should have thought twice about going home with her after she told me that I was more funny drunk than I was funny
   sober; was that supposed to be a compliment?
5. It’s funny how rumors evolve — or more like awesome.
6. I wonder if I had any part in that.

More of my funny work hook up stories mother %$#@&/raffle for a date

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