funny facebook update: whoring self out

Tongue Tied Tim: day 367 in LA; In that time I have received only 9 interviews out of an estimated 200 resumes sent out. That’s not including the over 100 advertising agencies I whored myself out to prior to moving here. It’s hard to get a job as a slightly above average creative. day 850 of being severely underemployed.

Jenn:  Something positive will happen soon. I feel it. Or that could just be gas that I’m feeling. Noooo….you’ll get something better soon!

Brad: Tim, you know who we haven’t whored ourselves out to yet? Drew Carey. We need to get on The Price is Right. We need to win some decent money, ’cause there sure as hell ain’t any way to earn decent money these days.

Jenn: Or just whore yourselves out period.

Brad: I dunno if the world can handle Tim Winter the Whore.

Tim: My man whoring days are over! When I went on a man date for my jestcort (jester/escort) service and when he asked me if I wanted to play a little catch — he didn’t mean throwing some balls around — well, yes he did — but not the balls I had thought. I should have read up on the man whore lingo before I said yes to something I thought would be  so innocent.  When he said something about “the Rocket”  I thought he was a Yankees fan but what he really said was “pocket rocket”. We clearly were fans of two different teams.

Jenn: He’s MY man whore.

If you are interested in my Jestcort ( jester/ escort) service, read propositioned by a straight guy

for more funny facebook updates, try funny facebook update: regift to girlfriend

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funny facebook update: regift to girlfriend

Tim: I don’t see the problem with regifting a gift from last year. It sat under my bed unopened and is only slightly damaged. So what if I regifted the gift to my new girlfriend of four months. I’m broke with a crappy job, it was either that or a pearl necklace — woooo!!

Brad: I’m gonna wait for her to comment before I chime in with my two cents. Ah, screw it. If she prefers your regift over McDonald’s gift certificates, then you win. If she doesn’t… EPIC FAIL, dude.

Ann: I’m not waiting to hear from your girlfriend on this one. TIM! That’s not very cool unless you go for the necklace too! Bad BOY!

Brad: Tim… you’re a boy? What? Why do you wear a sports bra to work?

Tim: The gift was at one time worth $150 but I had no use for it and I couldn’t sell it on Craigslist; so I gave it to her. Brad, I wear the Bro* because I need the extra support. My doctor said it was ergonomic like those keyboards. (*Seinfeld: s6: e18)

The Girlfriend: I’m going to use the photo printer he regifted to me to print photos he took of the pearl necklace he also gave me. Woo!

Another funny status update funny facebook updates: jokestrap

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Tongue tied tim is all amateur all the time; you won't find any big egos here but that's not to say we won't try our very best to get a laugh out of you. Not only is it okay to laugh at our expense we aim to try.

We are all about bringing you an uncensored account of all our awkward yet funny moments through our many ramblings, rants, raves, misguided attempts, indecent proposals, inappropriate and untimely remarks and bad one liners. some of us have even stopped taking our prescribed meds, against doctors' orders - so that might make for some good material.

We got us an online open mic here, so feel free to submit a funny story, pic or comic.

 

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