Posted July 6th, 2010 by tongue tied tim
Facebook Update
On this very day in 1879, a ragtag group of militia men single handedly beat back a 10 thousand man strong British army back over the US/Iranian boarder, giving the US the win in the Vietnam war and winning our Independence Day — So thank you to all you 10 survivors of the 501 of North Dakota and HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY. (I’m not that drunk)
Matt: US and Iranian border on the Arctic side or the Zimbabwean side?
Tim: It was at the four corners where all four boarders meet. Lets not forget to thank our allies the aliens from Omicron Persei 8 who lent us their shrink ray technology.
Read more funny status updates Dead Hookers and Birthday Wishes
Posted July 6th, 2010 by tongue tied tim
Status Update
Happy Birthday Conor! Did you get that midget hooker in the mail yet? I had him shipped all the way from Thailand – Couldn’t afford overnight so he might be dead – which I’m told is both good and bad for you. You love to have sex with dead things but you also really like killing hookers.
Read more funny status updates
Posted May 19th, 2010 by tongue tied tim
Facebook Status Update
I’ve only ever seen a half season of Lost and I’m now convinced Jacob wants to sell everyone a time share in some swamp land. I really thought he was going to bust out a projector and powerpoint presentation when he had them all together.
Facebook Comments:
Rob: Spoiler Alert!! Dummy.
Read more Funny Facebook Status Updates: Sloppy Joe, Strip Club on Christmas.
Posted November 12th, 2009 by tongue tied tim
Brad: Why are we working, who the hell works on Veterans Day
Tim: Terrorist do – which means we all must be a bunch of terrorists.” –hmm, the occupation of terrorist sure is a thankless one. They work just as hard, work weekends too but no holiday for them? The better they are at thier jobs, the more the people hate them
Brad: I hate you, Tim Winter.
Danny: If no one works on Veterans day, that means Bin Laden has won!!!
Tim: Notice the angry tone of Brad’s reply. If that doesn’t prove that he himself is a terrorist, you can just as easily look at the color of his skin and ask your self, is it white? If the answer is no, he’s probably a terrorist — but the end all to determine if he is one or not is to look at his last name. In Brad’s case it surely does not sound like the last name of a white guy — therefore he must be a terrorist — plus he is working on Veterans day!!!
Tim: Bin Laden? I haven’t heard that name in about 6 years. How is old Osama these days? How about his cave? Is it feng shui yet? I told him to add a fish tank in the entryway for good luck and that his prayer rug should face the other way even though Mecca is not in that direction. He stopped returning my calls.
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