Posted July 6th, 2010 by tongue tied tim
Facebook Update
On this very day in 1879, a ragtag group of militia men single handedly beat back a 10 thousand man strong British army back over the US/Iranian boarder, giving the US the win in the Vietnam war and winning our Independence Day — So thank you to all you 10 survivors of the 501 of North Dakota and HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY. (I’m not that drunk)
Matt: US and Iranian border on the Arctic side or the Zimbabwean side?
Tim: It was at the four corners where all four boarders meet. Lets not forget to thank our allies the aliens from Omicron Persei 8 who lent us their shrink ray technology.
Read more funny status updates Dead Hookers and Birthday Wishes
Posted July 6th, 2010 by tongue tied tim
Status Update
Happy Birthday Conor! Did you get that midget hooker in the mail yet? I had him shipped all the way from Thailand – Couldn’t afford overnight so he might be dead – which I’m told is both good and bad for you. You love to have sex with dead things but you also really like killing hookers.
Read more funny status updates
Posted May 11th, 2010 by tongue tied tim
Facebook Status Update
I applied for some very intriguing jobs on the Craigslist today. One was for a Tug Job Operator in West Hollywood. I didn’t know there were any lakes in Hollywood. Anyways I applied for it. Another positions I applied for was a Rim Job Specialist. I know I don’t know anything about detailing a car but I’m ready to dive on in and learn some new skills. I’m pretty desperate so I also applied for the Anal Checker position, in the back of the house. I can do a little quality assurance of goods, why not. Plus I wouldn’t have to deal with any customer A-holes.
Read more funny facebook updates: TMI and TIM, Laundry and Boners
