Posted August 12th, 2010 by tongue tied tim
Funny Status Update
Tim:
Back from Pete’s wedding. It was nice of him to ask me to be in it. After years of fighting, I thought it was good we could finally squash the days of our youth…However, when I got there he took me into the bathroom and said this is where you will be working tonight… He made me the bathroom attendant and told me not to come out until the wedding was over. — The problem with that was I never got any guidance or training on being a bathroom attendant. The only time I ever encountered one was when I went to a gay bar… so I did what they did… Apparently it is not standard practice to hold IT for them…I’m starting to think that guy wasn’t really an attendant…and I tipped him too!!
More Funny Status Updates
Posted June 30th, 2010 by tongue tied tim
Facebook Update
I ride the bus every day and sometimes a person in a wheel chair gets on. This process can sometimes take 5min; when you got to be at work in 10min, this is time you don’t have. I thought why don’t they just stick them on the front of the bus like they do bikes? – I mean, give them some goggles of course. I’m not cruel.
Facebook Comment
Matt: They should just have some sort of scooper like the garbage trucks have.
Tim: Or like the game when you try to use that claw to pick up a stuffed animal; but that would take even longer since the drivers are bound to lose a few – so close.
Read more funny facebook updates and stupid status updates.
Posted May 5th, 2010 by tongue tied tim
Jen: More photos coming soon. It’s hard to catch them on film.
tongue tied tim: I’ll do it. I used to take portraits of children at Olan Mills. That was until I was arrested after their employees called the police on me.
Brad: I made the phone call, actually. What’s with you and all these cats tim? M.O. lester?
Jen: Those are my pussies he’s been playing with…..
Brad: At least he has a hobby during unemployment.
tongue tied tim: yeah I use the kittens to lure little kids into my van. where I then force them to make wallets and blankets that I sell to china who then sells them to America. A four week old kitten will win over a child in less than ten minutes, heart and all. Always be weary of anyone who owns a kitten farm.
Posted May 5th, 2010 by tongue tied tim
status update
Plain Jane: I didn’t eat for 32 hours and I only lost 1.6 lbs. It’s hard to guage if my body is healthier after that cleanse,either way it sure doesn’t feel worth it. Happily back to eating again
Sara: ‘m happy you’re back to eating too! Let me know how your trainer goes tonight.
Sara: You should go get a massage to help the toxins on their way out. That would make it more worth it… just sayin.
Plain Jane: That’s true, Sara. Very good idea. Also, I could go to the steam or sauna tonight at the gym.
tongue tied tim: You should cut yourself and bleed all the toxins and evil spirits out. then cover your head in cow poop while riding backwards in a buggy. If that doesn’t work you should try holding your breath and drinking a glass of dragons milk through your nose using a twisty straw. Not to be confused with a bendy straw! You don’t want to get pregnant now.
Plain Jane: good advice, Tim!
