Tongue Tied Tim

Here is another stupid funny pic holy shit

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If you are like me, you don’t function well until you have your morning cup of coffee. Sometime you might be a little cranky and really just want to be left alone for the first 15 minutes of the work day; before someone asks you about your weekend or the status of that report that’s due later on this week. Forget about getting one of those coffee mugs with phrases like, “I hate Mondays.” – What you need is a coffee mug that will give your coworkers the impression that approaching you would be a bad idea.

If those coffee mugs are not safe for work (NSFW), take a look at these; safe for work but still annoying. I call them annoying status update mugs. If your coworkers insist on bothering you so early in the morning, the least you can do is make them regret it. Maybe next time they will give you your space and let you drink your morning coffee in peace.

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I used to worked with this one older lady and during our holiday party she got me all liquored up on shots of Jager. She convinced a few of us to go back to her place for an after hours party. We were all too drunk to drive home so we decided to all crash at her place.  Seeing how she bought me all those shots, I pretty much had to put out. Plus I wanted to sleep in a bed and not on the floor. Early the next morning she got up to get her son up to got to school; high school.  That’s not the worst of it – she also had a son who was my age too. but it gets better – apparently I used to run against him in college – He may have beaten me in every race we competed in but I think I got the last laugh. now I’m the mother #$&#@ not him.

another drinking related work story raffle for a date

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Was it wrong for me to think that what my sister really got me was one of her girlfriends for Christmas.

No way she only got me a stupid sweater. Supposedly her friend was celebrating Christmas with our family because she couldn’t afford to travel back east to visit her family. That’s BS, she has a good job and I think she could have paid for that trip; she obviously wanted to spend time with me.

and so what if I cut a hole at the end of her stocking and tried to pull the ole hole in the bottom of the popcorn trick. Some people just can’t take a joke. Turns out it was my brother stocking; — awkward! (parts of this story are true. I’ll let you decide which parts.)

the same girl in this post hooking up with my sister’s friends

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During our last family reunion, the one where I got punched by my younger brother which is not to be confused with the previous year’s reunion where my older brother threw a pitcher of beer at me and busted open my eyebrow, (why do I always bleed at our reunions?), I had a chance to hook up with two of my sister’s friends; at the same time. It was late, we were all wasted and they needed a place to crash. We came to an agreement that included some wording that was interpreted as a green light for a three way.

My room was converted into a guest bedroom and now had two twin beds. Each girl picked a separate bed while I was in the bathroom. When I came back the lights were off but it was still on. I choose the bed closest to me and started to make out a little bit. I tried to convince the other girl to come over and “cuddle” with us but there just wasn’t enough room. Okay, I can work with this; take a number. In the middle of trying to get it on, the girl I’m with decides to tell me that she has a boy friend and that she can’t sleep with me. Son of a Bitch!!

By this time the other girl thinks I’m no longer interested in her (in reality she was the one I wanted more; save the best for last right?). She goes to sleep, ending any possibility to hook up with even just one girl. Tim: Fail. The next morning I find out that the second girl is a freaking doctor. I choose the wrong girl, again! Tim: Epic Fail. should of, would have, could have; story of my life. FML.

I’m a lover not a fighter but here is what happened hours early blood is thicker than water

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Here is another stupid picture gas attack
the answer to another picture puzzle, read right to left: tou eno bur

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