Over 200 Euphemism for Stupid and Useless



Euphemism for Stupid



  • A beer short of a six pack
  • A brick short of a load
  • A burger short of a combo meal
  • A couple of eggs shy of a dozen
  • A couple of gallons short of a full tank
  • A cup and a saucer short of a place setting
  • A few ants short of a picnic
  • A few bales short of a wagon load
  • A few beers short of a six-pack
  • A few bits short of a byte
  • A few boats short of a fleet
  • A few boxes short of a pallet
  • A few Bradys short of a bunch
  • A few bricks short of a full load
  • A few bricks short of a pile
  • A few bricks short of a wall
  • A few bristles short of a broom
  • A few burgers short of a barbecue
  • A few cards short of a deck
  • A few clowns short of a circus
  • A few colors short of a rainbow
  • A few cracker jacks short of a full box
  • A few feathers short of a whole duck
  • A few fries short of a Happy Meal
  • A few fruit loops shy of a full bowl
  • A few fuses short of a full circuit
  • A few grams short of a pound

  • A few gunmen short of a posse
  • A few keys short of a keyboard
  • A few marshmallows short of a bowl of Lucky Charms
  • A few needles short of a sewing kit
  • A few noodles short of a chow mein
  • A few of sheep short of an orgy
  • A few peas short of a casserole
  • A few pecans short of a fruitcake
  • A few players short of a team
  • A few roos loose in the top paddock
  • A few sandwiches short of a picnic
  • A few screws short of a hardware store
  • A few shades beyond blonde
  • A few sheep short of a flock
  • A few snags short of a barbie
  • A few springs short of a watch
  • A few tacos short of a fiesta platter
  • A few threads short of a sweater
  • A few tomatoes short of a good thick sauce
  • A few toppings short of a Deluxe Pizza
  • A few trucks short of a convoy
  • A few watts short of a light bulb
  • A fortune cookie short of a Chinese dinner
  • A pepperoni short of a pizza
  • A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on
  • A poster child for birth control
  • A sandwich short of a picnic
  • A shining example of why you should avoid inbreeding
  • A tire short of an eighteen wheeler
  • A train short of a full service?
  • About as bright as a burnt out 20 watt light bulb
  • About as sharp as a bowling ball
  • About as sharp as a marble




  • About as useful as a chocolate fireguard
  • All booster, no payload
  • All foam no beer
  • All telephone, no receiver
  • An experiment in Artificial Stupidity
  • An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
  • Another brain would be lonely
  • Antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels
  • Any slower and he’d need to be watered once a week
  • As bright as a lamp in Aladdin’s cave
  • As fruity as a bag of Skittles™
  • As much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory
  • As much use as a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest
  • As much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle
  • As quick as a tortoise on Prozac
  • As sharp as a pound of wet liver
  • As smart as a stick
  • As smart as bait
  • As some lug nuts rattling in the hubcaps
  • As useful as a screen door on a submarine
  • As useful as a wooden frying pan
  • As useful as tits on a bull
  • Batteries not included
  • Battery is not fully charged
  • Big like ox, smart like tractor
  • Boat doesn’t have all the oars in the water
  • Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel
  • Body by God, Mind by Mattel

  • Bright as Alaska in December
  • Cheese slid off the cracker
  • Chimney’s clogged
  • Couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag
  • Couldn’t hit the floor if he fell on it
  • Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
  • Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash
  • Doesn’t have all the chairs at the table
  • Doesn’t have all the dots on his dice
  • Doesn’t know much but leads the league in nostril hair
  • Doesn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt
  • Doesn’t have both oars in the water
  • Donated his brain to science before he was done with it
  • Driveway doesn’t quite reach the road
  • Dumb as a corn cob
  • Dumb as a donkey
  • Dumb as a salt shaker
  • Dumb as a stump
  • Dumber than a bag of hammers
  • Dumber than a bag of rocks
  • Dumber than a box of hair
  • Dumber than paint
  • Dump as a stump
  • Eats soup with a fork
  • Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor
  • Elevator doesn’t quite make the top floor
  • Elevator goes to the top but the doors don’t open
  • Elevator is stuck between floors
  • Engine is running but nobody is behind the wheel




  • Fell out of the family tree
  • Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
  • Forgot to pay his brain bill
  • Gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming
  • Goes surfing in Nebraska
  • Golf bag doesn’t have a full set of irons
  • Has a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together
  • Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching
  • Half a bubble off plumb
  • Has a leak in the skylight
  • Has an IQ lower than plant life
  • Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt
  • Has an IQ of room temperature
  • Has the parachute but is missing the ripcord
  • Has to take turns for the family brain-cell
  • Has two brains, one’s lost and the other is out looking for it
  • Hasn’t seen the ball since kickoff
  • Having an intelligence rivaled only by garden tools
  • He had a little too much chlorine in his gene pool
  • He is so dumb, he would look for a wishbone in a soft-boiled egg
  • He is so dumb, the only thing he ever read was an eye-chart
  • He played too much without a helmet
  • He’s got a leak in his think-tank
  • He’s got a mind like a steel sieve
  • He’s got his feet firmly planted 3 feet above the ground
  • He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer
  • He’s so dense light bends around him
  • He’s got a leak in his think-tank
  • He’s got a mind like a steel sieve
  • He’s got a mind like a steel trap, rusted shut
  • He’s got his feet firmly planted 3 feet above the ground
  • He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer
  • He’s so dense light bends around him
  • He’s so dumb he couldn’t pour the water out of a boot if the instructions
  • Her sewing machine’s out of thread
  • His antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels
  • His belt doesn’t go through all the loops
  • His cheese has slipped off his cracker
  • His porch light ain’t on
  • If brains were chocolate – he wouldn’t have enough to fill an M&M
  • If brains were dynamite – he wouldn’t have enough to blow his nose
  • If brains were dynamite, he wouldn’t have enough to blow his hat off
  • If brains were gasoline, he couldn’t ride a moped around a fruit loop
  • If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate
  • If he had a brain, he’d be dangerous
  • If he had another brain, it would be lonely
  • If stupid were a talent, he would be considered gifted
  • If their nose was on upside down they’d drown in the rain
  • If you gave them a penny for thoughts, you’d get change
  • If you stand close enough to them you can hear the sea
  • Isn’t firing on all 6 cylinders
  • Isn’t firing on all thrusters
  • Its hard to believe that he beat out half a billion other sperm
  • Kangaroo loose in the top paddock.
  • Knitting with only one needle
  • Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp
  • logs are ablaze but the chimney is clogged
  • Lost contact with the mothership
  • Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine
  • Mind is in neutral, body is in gear
  • Mind like a rubber bear trap
  • Missing a few buttons on his remote control
  • More numb than a frozen mukluk
  • Most people drink from the fountain of knowledge, they only gargled
  • Needing a few screws tightened
  • Nice house, not much furniture

  • No grain in the silo
  • Not all the soldiers are marching in line
  • Not exactly running on all thrusters
  • Not firing with all spark plugs
  • Not the brightest bulb in the box
  • Not the brightest bulb in the Chandalier
  • Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree
  • Not the brightest crayon in the box
  • Not the brightest light in the harbor
  • Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree
  • Not the fastest ship in the fleet
  • Not the quickest bunny in the forest
  • Not the quickest horse in the stable
  • Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box
  • Not the sharpest knife in the drawer
  • Not the sharpest pencil in the box
  • Off his rocker
  • On/off switch is stuck in the off position
  • One board member short of a quorum
  • One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl
  • One IQ point above brain death
  • One neuron short of a synapse
  • One ski short of a snowmobile
  • One taco short of a combination plate
  • One tit short of an udder
  • One turbine short of an airplane
  • One twist short of a slinky
  • One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests
  • Only has half a cord in the woodshed
  • Only has one oar in the water
  • Playing hockey with a warped puck
  • Prime candidate for natural deselection
  • Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse
  • Receiver is off the hook
  • Relative IQ of a deck chair
  • Requires directions to lay sod
  • Result of too much chlorine in the gene pool
  • Running about a quart low
  • Running on 3 cylinders
  • Running on empty
  • Sets the lowest possible goals, and consistently fails to achieve them
  • Several nuts short of a full pouch
  • Sharp as a bowling ball
  • Sharp as a sack of wet mice
  • She’s not tied too tight to the pier
  • Shipped but not delivered
  • Skylight leaks a little
  • Slinky’s kinked
  • Smart as a bag of rocks
  • Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled
  • Strong like bear, smart like tractor
  • Takes him 1-1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes
  • Ten cents short of a dollar
  • The hard drive is spinning but the OS hasn’t been installed
  • They are depriving some village of its idiot
  • They have an IQ lower than their shoe size
  • Three ice bricks shy of an igloo
  • Too dumb to pull his head in before he shuts the window
  • Too much yardage between the goal posts
  • Two hub caps short of a Buick
  • Umbrella is up but there’s no rain
  • Warning–Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
  • Was hiding behind the door when they passed out brains
  • Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby
  • Wheel is spinning but the hamster fell off
  • Wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead
  • Wind is blowing but nothing is moving
  • Would argue with a signpost
  • Would be out of her depth in a mud puddle
  • Would lose a debate with a doorknob.
  • Wouldn’t know if they were on foot or horseback
  • You can’t call him an idiot, you’ll insult all the idiots in the world
  • You’re the flower of my life (you blooming idiot)







More stupid euphemism comebacks



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One Response to “Over 200 Euphemism for Stupid and Useless”

  1. » More Stupid Euphemism Comebacks Tongue Tied Tim Says:

    [...] stupid and useless; with lame and cheesy comebacks. Kids don’t try these at home. Over 200 Euphemisms for Stupid Savereddit_url = http://tonguetiedtim.com/more-stupid-euphemism-comebacks;reddit_title = [...]

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Tongue tied tim is all amateur all the time; you won't find any big egos here but that's not to say we won't try our very best to get a laugh out of you. Not only is it okay to laugh at our expense we aim to try.

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