This post was written a few years ago when I was living in San Diego. I frequently wrote emails to my girlfriends back home about various events and boys in my life and I’ve decided to share some of those emails with you here. This particular email is a favorite of the 1189 crew.
So as you ladies know, I am still unemployed (approaching the 6mo mark soon!) and very poor. In my latest and probably greatest money making schemes, I decided to seek out research opportunities. Not to work for the research groups, but rather to participate.
A few weeks ago I was in a taste test for subway that paid me $50 for an hour. All I had to do was sample a few dishes for their new breakfast menu and write down what I liked and what I didn’t. It was a win-win- I got paid to eat! Yesterday I called the same research company to inquire about a “baby brand” study I had heard about. I lied and said I was with child (you had to be at least 12 weeks along in order to be eligible for the study). I said yes, of course I have already purchased things for the baby (stroller, crib, clothes). What brands? Oh, well, Disney brand stuff mostly. Yes, I am available tomorrow at three to come downtown for the study. John (my boyfriend at the time) says this was an audition for me…I am an actress…and the way to earn my money is to convince these people that I really am pregnant. So off I went downtown today wearing my most pregnant looking shirt (it should be noted that at this point in time I was often confused for Lindsay Lohan as we were both disgustingly thin and maybe a wee bit cracked out looking). I went to the “audition” and the first thing I noticed was that I was by far the skinniest girl there. These chicks were very pregnant; that didn’t deter me though. No sir. I sat on the couch in my best pregnant lady shirt pretending like I was just a few months along and that is why I am not fat like the rest of them.
The research coordinators began calling our names to go into the room for the study. All of a sudden they pull me aside and said, Plain Jane? Can you just wait out here? Fuck! That’s it, the jig is up! …But then I noticed two other women sitting in the waiting room; I wasn’t alone. The man told us that they over booked and will no longer be needing our services but to wait here a minute. I immediately thought, oh shit, some higher baby power didn’t want me contributing information on baby brand research. After waiting in the lobby for a while with the other expectant mothers, one of them says to me, did you just have a baby or something? I quickly respond oh no, no! Again I think to myself, the jig is up! Everyone here knows you are a fraud! I begin to sweat and worry what’s going to happen to me. Can they put me in jail for misrepresentation? The woman goes on to say, ‘cause you’re skinny and I was thinking there is no way that you are pregnant. I nervously laughed and said, oh, well, I’m only ten weeks along and I still work out…so I guess that’s why. WHAT??? Did that really just come out of my mouth?!
Anyway, the man conducting the study calls us up to sign out and says that we still qualify to participate in any related upcoming studies and here is my $75 for coming downtown and sitting in a waiting room for 20 minutes! Yes!! I got my money and didn’t have to do anything for it!!
