Tim: Just watched men’s figure skating, women’s half pipe and the women’s downhill between the flag thingies. haha, I’ll watch any sport the Americans are competing in. Country pride; giving straight guys an excuse to be able to watch men in sparkly tights with mullets dance around on ice.
Coco: I remember back in the day when you were obsessed with obtaining Olympic gold as a male figure skater. You trained for years at the Clackamas Town Center with Tonya Harding as your coach and mentor and became devastated when the mall eventually removed the ice rink. You were good Tim….you were really good. Wish you would have stuck with it and you too could have stood on the podium at the Winter Games. Your mother and grandmother designed some really great costumes too. My favorite was the fairy costume they created for you in your moving tribute to the film “FernGully: The Last Rainforest.” Perhaps you should use your skills to find a second job as a trainer for a young protege. After all…there is a little Tim in all of us….isn’t there?
Tim: Sadly, it’s all very much based on semi truths and the dreams of a teen with a broken heart. But seriously, after all I did for you and how I covered for you in the tenth grade for that one thing you did – you still go and out me. It’s okay, I’ll keep my side of the agreement and never tell what you did to that entire troop of boy scouts.
Brad: Don’t worry, The Tim Winter, if masturbating your bosses to get ahead were an Olympic event, you’d have platinum by now.
Tim: Look Brad! I thought that was standard practice in Los Angeles’s corporate world; it seems to be the best way to get ahead in the Hollywood movie business. Oh, speaking of which!!! thanks for getting me that work on that film….did you rally think I would be okay with holding the boom mic on a set for gay bondage porn? My ears are still ringing from hearing the words Jamaica Bobsled Team…which you probably think is the safe word but it was NOT!! Apparently it is a new sexual position they invented.
Jenn: This entire conversation has been eye opening. I’m learning things about Tim that he clearly wanted hidden. Hidden like his love for Johnny Weir’s tight ass.
Brad: “Boom mic”? Is that what they call it now? The Tim Winter, you fool, I told you the film was “Bobbing for Big Bob,” not Bobsledding… and I told you, “If you wanna get HEAD in Los Angeles, suck up to the Boss,” not “ahead.” You need to get your hearing checked! And Jenn, if you check The Tim’s closet, you’ll find a huge collection of Weir’s outfits. They’re right behind all those vertical-striped shirts and Tom Cruise.
Tim: I happen to be wearing one of those vertical stripped shirts right now; underneath that, I’m wearing a bright green sequence jumpsuit in support of all those skaters
Jenn: Oooo….I can’t wait to see that tonight. I’m not sure if that’s sexy or not.
Coco: Tim didn’t always shine as a solo performer, he did have a partner for a brief period of time, his brother Peter. The entire mall stood up and cheered as they skated to “My Heart Will Go On,” the love-theme from TITANIC. Their clever use of throws and triple sow-cow, double toe-looped combos really got the crowd going. However, it wasn’t until Peter hoisted Tim high into the air (by grabbing his taint) and Tim shouting “I’M KING OF THE WORLD” that the routine really became a winner. You two should go on a reunion tour.
Jenn: I would financially back a reunion tour if only to see the hoisting via the taint.
Brad: Useless Trivia: Peter hoisted The Tim Winter in the air via Tim’s crotch. That explains Tim’s unusually high-pitched voice when he screamed, “I’m the king of the world…” …because The Tim likes it that way. BTW, I loved how Plushenko kept blowing out his snot during our national anthem.
Jenn: He’s a class act!
Tim: It was a shame when I put on my freshmen 15; Pete was never able to throw me the same. Conor you know I used to wear padded tights so really I could barely feel his thumb in my butt. Here we go again, Conor, always exaggerating the truth. Brad, how do you know how I like it? did your mom tell you? I want to grow my hair like Plushenko, it’s sweet!
Brad: Uh, Tim… my dad told me. and Plushenko must die
Tim: …and… scene
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